you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
