so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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