OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
