Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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