i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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