the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
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