I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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