We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
