My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
