I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
