shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
