i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
