our cab driver is having phone sex.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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