What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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