She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
