Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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