idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
