Can i not drive my cunt home
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize