I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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