ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
