Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
