We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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