Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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