I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
