she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
