Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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