I'm eating all of the evidence.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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