U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I AM VODKA MAN
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
