Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My balls are so social today.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
