girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
what is it with giant penises always finding me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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