my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize