Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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