So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
being pregnant is like rehab
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize