: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
