Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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