he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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