I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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