dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
