that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
