Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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