My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
