Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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