Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
