is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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