I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize