The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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