i will never coherently bang her
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
