you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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