also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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