im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
