i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
