glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
