The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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