Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
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