i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
