Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
