Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I would ride that face into the sunset
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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