She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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