I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
