is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
