Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
