you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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