you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
