I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
