Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If I die, sorry about rent.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
