some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
