We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
