You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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