video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
