Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize