remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
