I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
