His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
