her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
