I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
