Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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