First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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